A lovely day with my daughter wandering aimlessly amongst the raw beauty of the tulip fields at the Woodburn Oregon Tulip Festival, with the backdrop of Mt. Hood, bright blue skies and fluffy white clouds…
And yet I felt a bit off… Could be due to the pandemic and too many people too close to me ordering fresh-squeezed lemonade (and I can’t remember how to “be in public”). Could be because a year ago April we would have been in Amsterdam wandering through THOSE tulip fields but the trip was canceled. Could it be that my daughter who got totally stymied in her plans due to the pandemic, and after college moved back home for the last year, is now leaving again for graduate school so I know days like these with her are numbered and that makes me sad?
It could have been any number of things, including that I was feeling badly about a conversation earlier in the week with one of my juniors.
For me coaching is all about finding balance and supporting my students in doing so too. When to draw a firm boundary to ward off procrastination? When to loosen the timeline to make room for busy schedules? How to meet each student where they are that day, and also keep the train moving forward.
And for my class of 2022, our interaction has primarily (and in some cases ALL) been over Zoom. Which in general is definitely not my preferred mode of communication. It’s so much easier to hide nuances of body language, facial expression, and non-verbal communication over Zoom (while being so much easier to be in your sweat pants). What a strange existence we’ve all been having this last year!
So needless to say, I fear that I zigged when my student zagged, and instead of offering sound scaffolding to keep her focused, I inadvertently tipped over her stress bucket. Ugh. Oh no!
As a coach, this is the last thing I want to do. As a human, this makes me feel horrible. And as a former (and always really, let’s be honest) mental health professional, I really should have picked up on the cues. But I missed them, and I’m sorry.
I was talking with a friend the other day about “COVID depression.” And while I’ll leave official diagnosis and sifting through the heaps to find reliable factual data to the experts, just in my (tiny due to COVID) circle, I can see it. I can see it in my family, I can see it in my neighborhood, I can see it in my community, and I can see it in my work.
In my years as a social worker, school counselor, skills trainer, and now college coach, I have definitely seen my share of high stress taking a toll on many of the teenagers who cross my path.
But this experience we’ve had of a global pandemic, which for many of us is the first of its kind, has definitely created a new level of ick.
Then if you layer on the epic project of figuring out life after high school (and beyond), which can already feel EXTRA STRESSFUL even without a pandemic, it’s a wonder that my students are getting anything done at all!
Overall…
- Seniors are having a harder time making the decision about where to attend.
- Juniors are having a harder time making the decision about where to apply.
- Sophomores and freshmen are feeling frustrated that they don’t have access to the same kinds of activities and teacher relationships as the classes before them (and what in the world can they do this summer)?
- Parents are even more stressed about money in general and paying for college in particular.
- Colleges are trying to figure out some kind of “new normal” to evaluate candidates without testing data and “regular” letters of recc., etc. etc. etc.
And us coaches? Well, like everyone else, we’re trying our best but at times coming up short.
I don’t mean to be a Debbie Downer and the May blog also celebrates Garden Shed College Coaching seniors class of 2021! (ahhhh, the crowd goes wild….)
But I did feel compelled to spend a moment reflecting on the increased depression and anxiety many folks have been experiencing this past year, and the impact these things have on our lives.
So what can we do?
In this virtual era of extra super screen time, here is a great article on Six Things Teens Can (And Should) Do Instead of Looking At Their Phones.
Here are some warning signs to watch for that indicate mental health is deteriorating in a more serious way beyond “just being extra stressed.”
And locally, Multnomah County Crisis Line is always standing by (503) 988-4888.
As for me, while I have drawn clear boundaries in my work with coaching clients that I am not a mental health provider, know that I am generally aware and sensitive to my student’s mental health, and I am happy to provide suggestions of trusted professionals in the Portland area, should the need arise.
After all, there ARE tulip fields, and hope, fresh-squeezed lemonade and time with friends and family to help get us through!
Sometimes we just need to be reminded…
